Where in the world is Leah?

I will tell you.....I disappeared into limbo for awhile.  And I'll tell you why.

But, first, a quote that resonates deeply with me:
 Pain nourishes courage.  You can't be brave if only wonderful things have happened to you - Mary Tyler Moore.

So why the cryptic use of a random quote?  Well, let me tell you what has happened.

First off, hubby has bipolar disorder, type II.  He is usually well controlled but as he has gotten older, he has had more issues with agoraphobia.  Because of this, he lost his job last year.  He spiraled into a depression and became suicidal.  As a result, I had to hospitalize him recently and that is when I found out he had been abusing alcohol and drugs.  He is now 4 weeks into recovery and 4 weeks sober (and he is home, but attending an intensive outpatient hospitalization program that focuses on recovery).  This has been really rough but we are both coming to terms with it.  I'm in therapy for myself to learn how to create and stick to healthy boundaries and we attend a family session at his program on Saturdays.

I've also been dealing with some health issues.  I mentioned before that I had fibromyalgia.  Fibromyalgia is an evil disease, but I am fighting that b*tch with all I have.  I recently got put on gabapentin (brand name: Neurontin) to help.  Gabapentin and pregabalin were originally approved to treat certain types of epilepsy and nerve pain. Both drugs work by limiting the release of pain-communicating chemicals by nerve cells in the brain and spinal cord.  Fibromyalgia is now considered a disorder of the central nervous system and it can be rough.  The gabapentin is really helping, though.  I also managed to come down with West Nile Fever, the not so serious cousin of West Nile Virus.  It basically means that I had 2 weeks of the worst flu I've ever had without the congestion/respiratory issues.  And the fever that I ran from that caused me to get dehydrated and I managed to get a bi-lateral kidney infection.  I'm on the mend right now, though I tire very easily, but I'm hopeful.

I've also decided to do the 3 Day Walk for the Cure in Seattle next September.  I am going to be walking with one of my best friends and I will be doing it in memory of my mom (who died from metastasized breast cancer) and in honor of the Figueroa women (my dad's side, where breast cancer runs in the family).  I am also doing it to prove to myself that I can, to prove that though I may have fibromyalgia, it doesn't have me, and to do something extraordinary.

I am going to beat this b*tch if it is the last thing I do and I am going to live my life.  And hubby and I will beat his b*tch, too.

Jillian kicks my ass

Let me start off with this simple fact.

I dislike Jillian Michaels greatly.  I could even say I kind of hate her (as a trainer of course) because she kicks my ass in my workouts. 

And yet, I keep working out to her.  I think my dislike of her as a trainer (as a person, I think she is fab) pushes me to try harder and work harder and just basically  bust my butt to make it through one of her videos.

I've been working out with her 4 to 5 times a week for about 3 weeks and I finally have actual, defined muscles (yes, they are covered by fat, but you can feel them and you can see them in my arms when I flex).  This is a first for me.  It's rough and tiring, but it is an awesome workout.

So while I hate the trainer, I'm going to let her continue to kick my ass to health.

What's your secret?

What's your secret? How are you doing it? 

I get asked that all the time.  I've managed to lose 50+ plus pounds so far and I get people asking how I did it.

Hard work.  Plain and simple.  I watch what I eat and try to move my body.  Sometimes, the pain gets in the way, but I still watch what I eat.

Instead of diet sodas, I drink water, plain or with lemon. 

Instead of eating mindlessly, I scour the snack aisle for foods whose ingredient lists I can pronounce and sit and package them into serving size bags.

Instead of eating a huge burger and fries and all that junk, I will get a burger and a salad....or better yet, just a burger.

Instead of snacking on junk (see above), I eat healthful snacks like my pre-portioned goodies or fruits and veggies.

I sometimes feel hungry, but if I have had enough calories for the day, I drink water and tell my body to chill out.

It's not easy, but frankly, it is worth it.

I suck!

I know I do.  I haven't kept up with the blog.  I plan to try to write at least once a week here now.  That is my goal!!!

What's been going on with me?  Well, I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia and have lost 50 pounds so far.  I'm working on being healthier and happier.  It seems to be working. :)

New Year, New Start

It's 2012. A new year, a new chance, so to speak. This year, I want to begin living a healthier lifestyle and I want to make positive changes in my life. So I plan to do just that.

I don't know where 2012 will lead or how it will turn out, but I am going to work on being the best "me" I can be this year.

Surgery! Oy!

I'm having surgery on my sinuses in 15 days and I am nervous. They will be doing 3 different procedures and I am a little scared about healing times. Hopefully, the pain of the surgery will be worth it all, though, so that I won't get sinus infections like I do now and I will actually be able to breathe through both nostrils at once.

10 years ago

Where were you 10 years ago? I was 20 years old when it happened.

I was driving to school when the first plane hit, and at first, I thought it was some kind of hoax (I had on the radio). All I had on my mind was finishing the day and what I was getting my best friend for her birthday.

When I got to school, I realized it wasn’t a hoax. They had wheeled out the big TV into the student lounge and everyone just kind of sat around, numbly, totally quietly watching the news and what happened. I didn’t know anyone personally involved, but seeing what happened hurt a part of me so deeply. My dad’s family are refugees here and to see someone hurt the nation that granted my family solace and refuge from a Communist regime just crushed me. I know I sobbed that day.

I still feel sadness about this day every year, but it is tempered with hope and happiness. My best friend still celebrates her birthday every year and that reminds me that, despite what they tried to do in that act of terror, we are still a strong nation and we are still standing tall and moving on, even when they wound us. And that makes me proud of my nation and of the people who live here.