Odio sonitus , EGO partum quietis.*

*Despite the noise, I create quiet.*

An accurate description of my life. For as long as I can remember, I've always lived in a world of "noise." Too many thoughts in my head, too many distractions in the world outside, just too much of everything. For as long as I can remember, I've always been full of questions and unable to sit still for long periods of time. I didn't know I had ADHD when I was younger. It didn't affect me in typical ways, such as doing poorly academically, but it did affect my "behavior" and "citizenship." As I got older, I found ways to deal with the "noise" and make my life more managable. I found hobbies and kept myself as busy as I could. I did well in high school and college, but never quite felt like I found a quietness for myself. That all changed when I picked up knitting. I had learned to crochet in high school, but never did it in earnest. I picked up knitting in 2004 at the behest of an ex-boyfriend who wanted a handmade beanie. Despite losing the jerk, I found something for myself: knitting.

Most people comment on the knitting because I seem to always have it with me, they comment on my patience, they comment on selling the things I make.

Knitting is always with me. It helps me quiet the world around me. It helps me to center myself and slow down. I don't sell the things I make because I put hope and good intentions and joy into each thing I make and I could never sell that. I create because it helps me to find my calm and helps me to express myself to those around me. I knit because it helps me be more comfortable in my own skin. I knit because it is one of the few things where I feel like I'm competent.

Despite the noise in my life, I create and find peace.