Luck?

There's a saying "If I didn't have bad luck, I wouldn't have any luck at all!"

Sometimes, I so feel like that.  Last month, I came down with what I thought was the worst flu in the world.  Turns out it was West Nile Fever (the much less dangerous version of the West Nile Virus).  Basically, I had to just wait out the fever and body aches and everything else and hope I got over it soon.  I did end up dehydrated because of how long the fever went on (8 days or so at temps over 101) despite all the liquids I was drinking.  That caused a lovely kidney infection.

I'm on the mend now and just started back to my workout plan.  It is frustrating how much progress I lost being sick, but at the same time, I didn't lose it all.  I can still do it!

Where in the world is Leah?

I will tell you.....I disappeared into limbo for awhile.  And I'll tell you why.

But, first, a quote that resonates deeply with me:
 Pain nourishes courage.  You can't be brave if only wonderful things have happened to you - Mary Tyler Moore.

So why the cryptic use of a random quote?  Well, let me tell you what has happened.

First off, hubby has bipolar disorder, type II.  He is usually well controlled but as he has gotten older, he has had more issues with agoraphobia.  Because of this, he lost his job last year.  He spiraled into a depression and became suicidal.  As a result, I had to hospitalize him recently and that is when I found out he had been abusing alcohol and drugs.  He is now 4 weeks into recovery and 4 weeks sober (and he is home, but attending an intensive outpatient hospitalization program that focuses on recovery).  This has been really rough but we are both coming to terms with it.  I'm in therapy for myself to learn how to create and stick to healthy boundaries and we attend a family session at his program on Saturdays.

I've also been dealing with some health issues.  I mentioned before that I had fibromyalgia.  Fibromyalgia is an evil disease, but I am fighting that b*tch with all I have.  I recently got put on gabapentin (brand name: Neurontin) to help.  Gabapentin and pregabalin were originally approved to treat certain types of epilepsy and nerve pain. Both drugs work by limiting the release of pain-communicating chemicals by nerve cells in the brain and spinal cord.  Fibromyalgia is now considered a disorder of the central nervous system and it can be rough.  The gabapentin is really helping, though.  I also managed to come down with West Nile Fever, the not so serious cousin of West Nile Virus.  It basically means that I had 2 weeks of the worst flu I've ever had without the congestion/respiratory issues.  And the fever that I ran from that caused me to get dehydrated and I managed to get a bi-lateral kidney infection.  I'm on the mend right now, though I tire very easily, but I'm hopeful.

I've also decided to do the 3 Day Walk for the Cure in Seattle next September.  I am going to be walking with one of my best friends and I will be doing it in memory of my mom (who died from metastasized breast cancer) and in honor of the Figueroa women (my dad's side, where breast cancer runs in the family).  I am also doing it to prove to myself that I can, to prove that though I may have fibromyalgia, it doesn't have me, and to do something extraordinary.

I am going to beat this b*tch if it is the last thing I do and I am going to live my life.  And hubby and I will beat his b*tch, too.

Jillian kicks my ass

Let me start off with this simple fact.

I dislike Jillian Michaels greatly.  I could even say I kind of hate her (as a trainer of course) because she kicks my ass in my workouts. 

And yet, I keep working out to her.  I think my dislike of her as a trainer (as a person, I think she is fab) pushes me to try harder and work harder and just basically  bust my butt to make it through one of her videos.

I've been working out with her 4 to 5 times a week for about 3 weeks and I finally have actual, defined muscles (yes, they are covered by fat, but you can feel them and you can see them in my arms when I flex).  This is a first for me.  It's rough and tiring, but it is an awesome workout.

So while I hate the trainer, I'm going to let her continue to kick my ass to health.

What's your secret?

What's your secret? How are you doing it? 

I get asked that all the time.  I've managed to lose 50+ plus pounds so far and I get people asking how I did it.

Hard work.  Plain and simple.  I watch what I eat and try to move my body.  Sometimes, the pain gets in the way, but I still watch what I eat.

Instead of diet sodas, I drink water, plain or with lemon. 

Instead of eating mindlessly, I scour the snack aisle for foods whose ingredient lists I can pronounce and sit and package them into serving size bags.

Instead of eating a huge burger and fries and all that junk, I will get a burger and a salad....or better yet, just a burger.

Instead of snacking on junk (see above), I eat healthful snacks like my pre-portioned goodies or fruits and veggies.

I sometimes feel hungry, but if I have had enough calories for the day, I drink water and tell my body to chill out.

It's not easy, but frankly, it is worth it.

I suck!

I know I do.  I haven't kept up with the blog.  I plan to try to write at least once a week here now.  That is my goal!!!

What's been going on with me?  Well, I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia and have lost 50 pounds so far.  I'm working on being healthier and happier.  It seems to be working. :)

New Year, New Start

It's 2012. A new year, a new chance, so to speak. This year, I want to begin living a healthier lifestyle and I want to make positive changes in my life. So I plan to do just that.

I don't know where 2012 will lead or how it will turn out, but I am going to work on being the best "me" I can be this year.

Surgery! Oy!

I'm having surgery on my sinuses in 15 days and I am nervous. They will be doing 3 different procedures and I am a little scared about healing times. Hopefully, the pain of the surgery will be worth it all, though, so that I won't get sinus infections like I do now and I will actually be able to breathe through both nostrils at once.

10 years ago

Where were you 10 years ago? I was 20 years old when it happened.

I was driving to school when the first plane hit, and at first, I thought it was some kind of hoax (I had on the radio). All I had on my mind was finishing the day and what I was getting my best friend for her birthday.

When I got to school, I realized it wasn’t a hoax. They had wheeled out the big TV into the student lounge and everyone just kind of sat around, numbly, totally quietly watching the news and what happened. I didn’t know anyone personally involved, but seeing what happened hurt a part of me so deeply. My dad’s family are refugees here and to see someone hurt the nation that granted my family solace and refuge from a Communist regime just crushed me. I know I sobbed that day.

I still feel sadness about this day every year, but it is tempered with hope and happiness. My best friend still celebrates her birthday every year and that reminds me that, despite what they tried to do in that act of terror, we are still a strong nation and we are still standing tall and moving on, even when they wound us. And that makes me proud of my nation and of the people who live here.

Easy dinner - Lebanese style

Tonight, I’m making Majudarrah (Lebanese Lentils and Rice).

1 cup lentils
1 cup white or brown rice
2 medium to large onions
olive oil
garlic, minced
cumin
salt and pepper, to taste
yogurt
4-5 cups water

Peel and slice/dice onions and fry slowly in olive oil until golden brown. If you’re using white rice, add the lentils, water and salt; cook 15 minutes, then add the rice, cover the pot and finish cooking. If you’re using brown rice, add it to the pot at the same time as the lentils. When its cooked, stir to mix in the onions (they’ll all be on the top) and serve with yogurt.

I will post a picture when it is done.

Caramelized onions.


Cooking away.


All done.

Sick of being sick....

I am so sick of being sick. It is my third sinus infection in 5 weeks, the allergy meds aren't working to make me feel any better and I just feel horrible. I did have my CT scan today of my sinuses. I see the doc on the 23rd, so I hope I get some answers soon.

And just for your viewing pleasure, my head:

Some of my projects

Here is a sampling of some of my projects:

This sweet bunny I made for my next door neighbor. He just had his first birthday. :)


I love the little orange tail!


I also completed a baby blanket for a shower on September 4.



I have more to post soon. I am working on the sleeves for Chris' Christmas sweater and then I can block and sew together...and there will be pictures!!!

Sinuses - The Bane of My Existence

I have a severely deviated septum. I've been told for years that I needed to have something done with it, but I always ignored it because I was afraid it would change the way I look. Really dumb move on my part, but there it is. I have suffered for years from 3-6 sinus infections a year in addition to my year round allergies. After my sister-in-law had hers done and it didn't change how she looked, I decided I needed to do it. I have an appointment on September 2 to get the evaluation done, schedule surgery, etc., and so far, in the month of August, I have had 2 really bad sinus infections. UGH, UGH, UGH.

Really, what good are the damn things anyway? I wish I could fill them with concrete!

Another day, another post

I've been participating in Nerd Wars on Ravelry. Nerd Wars is where different teams of nerds (Doctor Who, Bones, etc.) compete against each other by completing projects that answer different challenges each month for points and glory. Right now, we're in the third month of the challenge...and I am worried I bit off more than I can chew!

I'm working on a baby blanket for a friend, and I have 4 other challenges I have to work on as well (there are 6 challenges per tournament) and I also have my dissertation....(a 3 month project) which is a sweater for Chris. I will try to post progress pics soon!

It has been far too long

I haven't been on here in so long. Life has taken me for a series of ups and downs but things seem to be okay now. I do know I need to be better about keeping up with this blog.....

This is what happened over the past year....

My mom died and her family decided I didn't need to know.

We lost one of our nieces, Jordann Ashleigh. She lived for 3 hours before she passed away.

I had another miscarriage at about 5 weeks.

I dealt with 2 weeks of major GI issues, but at the end of it, I can finally eat meat again!

Chris and I separated in March. We have done some hard, hard work on our relationship and ourselves and we are doing so much better than before. We see each other regularly, we go on dates, we talk every day and he is moving in with me soon.

I finally asked for help and went on to Prozac and went through some pretty intense therapy. I learned that I have a pretty severe case of Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Depressive Syndrome, NOS.

My thyroid is still acting up.

I found out that I'm both B12 and Vitamin D deficient.

I also learned that I have some amazing friends and amazing people in my life. And I learned that it is okay to ask for help....

Infertility sucks

Not a really cute or witty title, but it's a good one. Infertility does suck. It is singularly the worst thing I have ever experienced.

We've been trying off and on to start a family for over 3 1/2 years. During this time, I've experienced 3 miscarriages and lost a tube and an ovary to a botched test. Add to that the insensitivity of others around me. All the advice in the world isn't going to get and keep me pregnant. I have a hormonal disorder that affects fertility. It also makes it extremely hard to lose weight. Losing weight would help improve my fertility somewhat (or so they hope), but the disorder makes losing a pound just as hard for me as it is for someone else to lose 20. On top of that, my thyroid sucks. I can relax all I want and not think about and I still won't get pregnant.

Infertility sucks even more because of how it makes me feel about myself. Women should be able to get pregnant and have children. Hell, 17 year olds get knocked up all the time. But my body has failed me and I feel like a total failure sometimes when I think of it. I can achieve this honor or that degree, but I can't do the one thing my body was designed for.

All in all....infertility sucks.

A lapse in time

Wow...it's been too long since I've written here. I am going to try to be much better at this. Now that some exciting changes have occured in my life, maybe I'll have more to write about.

And here are the exciting changes.

We moved....to an apartment. It's an older one but pretty spacious. We're paying slightly more rent than we were at the house we were renting, but we're not paying utilities. We're planning on eventually buying our own home and saving where we can will help that dream come true.

I got a new car. Yup, I got a little standard Mazda. It's a new model, but we're saving over $100 a month on car payments and close to $100 in gas as well.

And last, but not least, I've developed meat protein allergies. Meat protein allergies are not very common. In fact, they're pretty rare, but those who know me, know this is pretty normal for me. Like tearing the tendon in my ankle that only 1% of people ever tear, or losing my tube and ovary to an infection caused by a common medical diagnostic test. That infection had a .01% chance of occuring. I guess you could say I'm in one in a million. ;-)

Anyhow, because of the new meat protein allergy, I've had to revamp how I eat. Luckily, my husbeast is always up for a new adventure, especially when it come to food. Since I can't tolerate pork, beef, or poultry (the jury is still out on fish, but it will be awhile before we test that one) I've swwitched to a plant based diet. He happily tries and enjoys all the new foods I experiment with. At home, we've switched to a mostly vegan diet and, when out, I eat vegetarian meals if a vegan alternative isn't possible. Since my meat allergy progressed so quickly (I've had a pork allergy for years, but in the past year, the beef and poultry allergies have appeared), I am only indulging in dairy and/or egg on occasion as I do not want to develop further food allergies.

At first, I felt a bit sad about not being able to enjoy things everyone else does, but then I realized this was an interesting challenge and something that could be a lot of fun. Because we try to eat a vegan diet at home, I now cook about 99% of what we eat from scratch. With this change, both the husbeast and I feel better and we both have more energy. We're both also starting to lose weight.

I am planning to come back and write about much of what I make, etc. I am also still busy crafting, so there will be pictures of this stuff, as well. :)

Speaking of making food, dinner tonight will be broken whole wheat spaghetti mixed with a fresh tomato sauce I made (6 fresh tomatoes, 1 can of diced tomatoes, 1 fresh onion, 1 lb fresh white mushrooms, 1 lb silken tofu, 1 can of straw mushrooms, fresh garlic, olive oil, basil, pepper, red wine, and a pinch of sugar simmer gently for 35 minutes), topped with whole wheat bread crumbs and a tiny bit of vegan margarine and baked until the top was crisp. Dessert is going to be a fresh blueberry, strawberry, and kiwi fruit crumble.

Just let them get married

Really, just let members of the GLBTQ community get married. I don't understand the upset that people have about this particular issue. In a time where marriages are as likely to end in divorce as they are to survive*, I think that two people who are willing to pledge to spend their lives together should be given that chance. I know some people balk at the idea of calling it marriage. Call it a commitment, call it whatever you want, but let them have equal rights. I've seen many GLBQT couples whose commitment to each other has spanned DECADES. If you've spent your life with someone, you should have the same rights as any heterosexual couple.



*Divorce statistics in America for marriage
Marriage Divorce statistics (in percent)
First Marriage 45% to 50% marriages end in divorce
Second Marriage 60% to 67% marriages end in divorce
Third Marriage 70% to 73% marriages end in divorce

Source of this Divorce Statistics: Jennifer Baker, Forest Institute of Professional Psychology,Springfield

Rambling on health care

I am sick, which royally sucks, but I'm privileged enough that my job provides good health insurance. That got me to thinking about who I work with. I work with kids who don't have access to on-going health care nor do they have a regular doctor. Parents have no other option than to treat the kid with home remedies or rush them to ER.

I don't know what the solution is to our health care issues, but I do know that these kids are suffering and it really breaks my heart.

Absurdity at its best.

Resolutions for the new year are about to roll out. Often absurd, or just plain silly, resolutions often give a glimpse into what someone values. In lieu of resolutions, this year I'm making myself promises. Seriously, if you can't keep a promise to yourself, who can you keep a promise to?

And rather than make myself some private promises where, if I don't fulfill my promises, it is no skin off my teeth (which is the American slang) or It's no skin off my nose, I'm making some promises here, where everyone can read them.

This year, I promise several things:

1) I will cut myself some slack
2) I will continue to be active to keep my body happy
3) I will continue to eat healthfully (and even ramp it up a notch to semi-vegetarian) to help me be the best I can be
4) I will continue to work on hobbies that make me happy

Christmas blew my mind

Christmas has always been my favorite holiday. I love the lights, the decorating, the Christmas trees. You name it, I love it. This changed somewhat once husbeast and I moved in together. Christmas in his family was ALWAYS overwhelming and all about the gifts. I'd never spent a Christmas like that. We were always somewhat poor, so Christmas was about well-thought out, wonderful gifts and not about how many one amassed. I started to dread Christmas with husbeast's family, but this Christmas blew my mind. It was all about family, the way Christmas has always been for me, and about giving people something they wanted/needed/liked and not just more useless junk. It was the first time that I really truly enjoyed Christmas with my in-laws. Suffice to say, Christmas this year blew my mind. :)

So why am I rambling about all of this? Well, I think I'm going to clamber on my soap box for a bit. Christmas shouldn't be about who gets the most toys or most stuff or most expensive stuff. For me, Christmas has always been about spending time with the people who love you and care about you. It's not about what you get, but about what you give. Part of the love I have for Christmas is due to people being more willing to donate to someone in need or having a little more compassion for those in less fortunate situations. I think the world would be a better place if people started caring less about what they "got" from Christmas and cared more about the intangible gifts they received.